What it Means to ‘Grieve’ and ‘Quench’ the Holy Spirit
The Bible tells us in Ephesians 4:30 to “grieve not the holy Spirit of God” and in 1 Thessalonians 5:19 to “quench not the Spirit”, but what do these verses mean? Discover how we can avoid grieving and quenching the Holy Spirit as we explore the meaning and examples of these scripture quotes.
What does it mean to ‘Grieve’ the Holy Spirit?
It is important for us to better understand the person of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes people think of the Holy Spirit as more of an “It” than a “Him.” But according to Scripture, the Holy Spirit is not only God, but He has a will, a personality, and can even be offended!
The Greek word translated as “grieve” in Ephesians 4:30 means “to cause to feel sorrow, pain, unhappiness, or distress.” As the third Person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit has a personality and the ability to feel emotions like joy (Luke 10:21), outrage (Hebrews 10:29), and sorrow (Ephesians 4:30).
How do we Grieve the Holy Spirit?
One of the places in Scripture where we read about grieving the Holy Spirit is in Ephesians 4:29-32. The apostle Paul writes:
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. [30] And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. [31] Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: [32] And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
“Do not grieve the Spirit” appears to complement Paul’s opening exhortation to “…walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, [2] With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; [3] Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3). Believers grieve the Spirit when they do not maintain peace and harmony in the Body of Christ.
Paul then gives specific ways we grieve the Spirit by living as we used to before our salvation when we were “separated from the life of God” (Ephesians 4:17-19). We grieve Him when we don’t speak truthfully to our brothers and sisters in Christ (Ephesians 4:25), when we let anger control our actions (Ephesians 4:26-27), when we steal from each other (Ephesians 4:28) and when we speak foul and abusive words to one another, instead of uplifting and encouraging words (Ephesians 4:29). We also grieve the Spirit when we don’t get rid of all “bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, evil speaking, and malice” (Ephesians 4:31), and when we fail to “be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).
The Holy Spirit of God lives within the Christian (John 14:17; 2 Timothy 1:14). We are His temple (1 Corinthians 3:16), and when we don’t walk in the holiness and love of Christ and in harmony with fellow believers, we grieve the Spirit of God with our sinful thoughts and behaviors (Ephesians 5:1-21).
Foul and abusive language makes the Holy Spirit sad. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth…” The word used here speaks of something that has gone “rotten.” This includes obscene language, profanity, dirty stories, vulgarity, double entendres, etc. We are NOT to speak this way—privately or publicly. We are to be godly. “Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.” (1 Peter 1:16)
Bitterness makes the Holy Spirit sad and sorrowful. The definition of bitterness is “an embittered and resentful spirit that refuses to be reconciled.”
Some people live for conflict, arguing, and fighting. This, as with all sin, only gets worse if left unchecked and unrepented of.
The sad thing is that bitter people rarely want to keep it to themselves. Instead, they spread it around. The Bible speaks of “a root of bitterness defiling many” (see Hebrews 12:15). There is a better alternative: forgive!
Fits of rage and uncontrolled anger make the Holy Spirit sad and sorrowful. “Rage” speaks of the person who is easily angered and who raises his voice—shouting and screaming. “Slander” is speaking evil of others behind their backs. “Malicious behavior” speaks of ill will and plotting evil against someone.
All of us have been hurt in life at one time or another, but we have a choice as to how we react. We can say, “They did this to me; therefore, I will have my vengeance!” Or, we can believe God when He says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
Try the acronym T.H.I.N.K. the next time you are unsure whether or not you should say something:
T – Is it Truthful?
H – Is it Helpful?
I – Is it Inspiring?
N – Is it Necessary?
K – Is it Kind?
Instead of speaking evil of someone, we are to “…be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another…” (Ephesians 4:32)
“But they don’t deserve that!” True, but neither do you or I—yet God still forgave us! Paul concludes Ephesians 4:32 by saying, “…even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Forgiven people should be forgiving people. Otherwise, we are grieving the Holy Spirit.
3 surprising ways to Grieve the Holy Spirit
The Holy Spirit is often described as light. He shines into the dark places of the heart and convicts us of sin (John 16:7-11). He is a lamp to illumine God’s Word, teaching what is true and showing the truth to be precious (1 Corinthians 2:6-16). And the Spirit throws a spotlight on Christ so that we can see His glory and be changed (John 16:14). That’s why 2 Corinthians 3:18 speaks of becoming more like Christ by beholding the glory of Christ. Just as Moses had his face transfigured when he saw the Lord’s glory on Mount Sinai (Exodus 34:29; 2 Corinthians 3:7), so will we be transformed when, by the Spirit, we behold God’s glory in the face of Christ.
The Spirit, then, is a light to us in three ways: by exposing our guilt, by illuminating the Word of God, and by showing us Christ. Or, to put it another way, as Divine Light, the Holy Spirit works to reveal sin, reveal the truth, and reveal glory. When we close our eyes to this light or disparage what we are meant to see by this brightness, we are guilty of resisting the Spirit (Acts 7:51), quenching the Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19), or grieving the Spirit (Ephesians 4:30). There may be slight nuances among the three terms, but they all speak of the same basic reality: refusing to see and to savor what the Spirit means to show us.
There are, then, at least three ways to grieve the Holy Spirit—three ways that may be surprising because they correspond to the three ways in which the Spirit acts as a light to expose our guilt, illumine the word, and show us Christ.
First, we grieve the Holy Spirit when we use Him to excuse our sinfulness. The Spirit is meant to be the source of conviction in human hearts. How sad it is, therefore, when Christians try to use the Holy Spirit to support ungodly behavior. We see it when people—whether genuinely deceived or purposeful charlatans—claim the leading of the Spirit as the reason for their unbiblical divorce, or for their financial impropriety, or for their newfound sexual liberation. The Holy Spirit is always the Spirit of holiness. He means to show us our sin, not to excuse it through subjective feelings, spontaneous impressions, and wish fulfillment disguised as enlightened spirituality. If the Holy Spirit is grieved when we turn from righteousness to sin, how doubly grieved He must be when we claim the Spirit’s authority for such deliberate rebellion!
Second, we grieve the Holy Spirit when we pit him against the Scriptures. The Spirit works to reveal the truth of the Word of God, not to lead us away from it. There is no place in the Christian life for supposing or suggesting that careful attention to the Bible is somehow antithetical to earnest devotion to the Holy Spirit. Anyone wishing to honor the Spirit would do well to honor the Scriptures He inspired and means to illuminate.
Sometimes Christians will cite the promise in John 16:13 that the Spirit “will guide you into all the truth” as a reason to expect that the third Person of the Trinity will give us new insights not found in the Scripture. But the “truth” referred to in John 16 is the whole truth about everything bound up in Jesus Christ—the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). The Spirit will unpack the things that are to come, insofar as He will reveal to the apostles (John 16:12) the significance of Jesus’ death, resurrection, and exaltation. The Holy Spirit, speaking for the Father and the Son, would help the apostles remember what Jesus said and understand the true meaning of who Jesus is and what He accomplished (John 14:26).
This means that the Spirit is responsible for the truths the apostles preached and that, in turn, were written down in what we now call the New Testament. We trust the Bible—and do not need to go beyond the Bible—because the apostles, and those under the umbrella of their authority, wrote the Bible by means of the Spirit’s revelation. The Bible is the Spirit’s book. Insisting on exegetical precision, theological rigor, and careful attention to the Word of God should never be denigrated as stuffing our heads full of knowledge, let alone as somehow opposed to the real work of the Spirit.
Third, we grieve the Holy Spirit when we suggest He is jealous of our focus on Christ. The Holy Spirit’s work is to serve. He speaks only what He hears (John 16:13). He declares what He is given; His mission is to glorify another (John 16:14). All three persons of the Trinity are fully God, yet, in the divine economy, the Son makes known the Father, and the Spirit glorifies the Son. It is a terrible thing to be ignorant about the Spirit and unwise to overlook the indispensable role He plays in our lives. The Spirit means to shine a light on Christ; He is not envious to stand in the light Himself.
Exulting in Christ, focusing on Christ, speaking much, and singing often of Christ are not evidence of the Spirit’s dismissal but of the Spirit’s work. If the symbol of the church is the Cross and not the dove, that’s because the Spirit would have it that way. As theologian James I. Packer put it, “The Spirit’s message to us is never, ‘Look at me; listen to me; come to me; get to know me,’ but always, ‘Look at him, and see his glory; listen to him, and hear his word; go to him, and have life; get to know him, and taste his gift of joy and peace.’”
What does it mean to ‘Quench’ the Holy Spirit?
The apostle Paul’s closing instructions to the Thessalonian church stresses the believer’s responsibility for guarding his or her own spiritual integrity with this command: “Quench not the Spirit.” (1 Thessalonians 5:19).
In the original text, the verb for “quench” used here speaks of suppressing fire or stifling a flame. Quenching the Holy Spirit speaks of suppressing or stifling the fire of God’s Spirit that dwells within every believer. The Holy Spirit desires to express Himself in our actions and attitudes. When Paul writes, “Do not quench the Holy Spirit,” he is cautioning Christians not to suppress the fire of God’s Spirit that burns within us. This command to the Thessalonians is similar to reminders Paul gave Timothy, to “…stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands” (2 Timothy 1:6), and “Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery.” (1 Timothy 4:14).
The Bible often describes the Lord’s presence as “a consuming fire” (Exodus 3:2; Exodus 24:17; Deuteronomy 4:24; Deuteronomy 9:3; Hebrews 12:29). Fire represents zeal, passion, enthusiasm, power, illumination, and purity. The fire of God’s presence exists in every Christian through the gift of the indwelling Holy Spirit (Romans 8:9; Psalm 51:11; 1 Corinthians 3:16; Ephesians 2:22). Jesus imparts this gift by baptizing us with “the Holy Spirit and fire” (Matthew 3:11). In the Book of Acts, when the Holy Spirit first filled believers on the day of Pentecost, “…there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. [4] And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.” (Acts 2:3-4).
As a member of the Trinity and God Himself, the Holy Spirit cannot be snuffed out. But He can be quenched or stifled when we resist the Spirit’s work in our own lives and in the church. In the context of 1 Thessalonians 5, Paul seems to be referring to not quenching the spiritual gift of prophecy: “Quench not the Spirit. [20] Despise not prophesyings. [21] Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. [22] Abstain from all appearance of evil.”(1 Thessalonians 5:19-22).
Prophecy is the “telling forth” of God’s Word; the giving of the Word (from God) is revelation, and prophecy is the human channel for relaying it. The Word of God is also portrayed as a burning, illuminating fire (Jeremiah 5:14; Jeremiah 20:9; Jeremiah 23:29; Psalm 119:105). The Word of God must not be suppressed (Colossians 3:16; 2 Peter 1:19). When the gift of prophecy is exercised correctly, it strengthens, teaches, encourages, and comforts the church (2 Timothy 3:16; Psalm 19:7-8; Hebrews 4:12-13; Romans 15:4; Ephesians 6:10-17).
The Holy Spirit operates in the believer personally and in the life of the church. He convicts us of sin and our need for salvation (1 Thessalonians 1:5). “And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment:” (John 16:8). The Spirit gives us direction in life (Acts 13:2; Acts 15:28), transforms our circumstances (Philippians 1:19), encourages us (Acts 9:31), empowers us to share the gospel (Acts 1:8; Acts 6:10), and does the sanctifying work of changing us into the image of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18; see also Romans 15:16; 2 Thessalonians 2:13; 1 Peter 1:2).
But when we do not allow God’s Spirit to work in our hearts or be seen in our actions, acting or thinking contrary to the practices and character of God, we quench the Holy Spirit within us. By rejecting the Spirit’s guidance in our lives or doing what we know is wrong, we smother the flame instead of fan it. This halts the production of the fruits of the Spirit and does not permit the Spirit to reveal Himself the way He wants to—with “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance” (Galatians 5:22-23).
Quenching the Holy Spirit is like grieving the Holy Spirit in that both negatively affect the believer, the church, and the world. The Holy Spirit is grieved when we rebel against God (Isaiah 63:10; 1 Samuel 12:15; Joshua 22:16). When we follow our own worldly desires, we quench the Holy Spirit within. We hinder the cultivation of personal godliness, which, in turn, undermines the church’s holiness and causes sorrow and distress to the Spirit of God.
When we “Quench not the Spirit” (1 Thessalonians 5:19), He burns within us like a living letter written on the tables of our hearts (2 Corinthians 3:3). Our lives are set ablaze to shine forth the truth, light, and love of God to everyone we encounter (Acts 11:23; John 3:21). When we do not quench the Holy Spirit, His fiery presence brings unity, blessings, and fellowship (2 Corinthians 13:14; Philippians 2:1, 1 Peter 4:14), along with freedom, peace, and resurrection life (2 Corinthians 3:17; Romans 8:2, Romans 8:5-11). As the fire on the altar in the temple was never to go out (Leviticus 6:12), so we must never quench the Holy Spirit of God on the altar of our hearts.
Conclusion
Grieving the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30) is similar to quenching the Holy Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19) in that both negatively impact the believer, the church, and the world. Both grieving the Spirit and quenching the Spirit hinder a godly lifestyle. Both happen when we sin against God and follow our own worldly desires, living as we did before accepting Christ’s salvation. The only correct road to follow is the one that leads the believer closer to God and purity and farther away from the world and sin. Just as we do not like to be grieved, and just as we do not seek to quench what is good, we should not grieve or quench the Holy Spirit by refusing to follow His leading.